just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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