On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
