I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize