I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
