Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
