What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
