the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
