im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
