Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize