Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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