I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
