Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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