I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
