There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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