I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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