alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
