hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
