Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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