Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
