I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
