Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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