fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
