therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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