If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
