if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
