Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
