Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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