All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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