Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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