you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
