Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
