it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize