Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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