got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
