you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
