Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
