Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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