Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
