Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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