and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
