she was so not down for the gang bang
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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