I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
