i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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