what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize