Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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