happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your penis caused this!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize