Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
