that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
