I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
