I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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