thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
