youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
