I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you had me at cake vodka
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
