before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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