Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We have started to decorate penises.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
