Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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