Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina is officially offended.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
