no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
