capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
