I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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