Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
