im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
