it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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